January 2012
4 posts
1 tag
Blake: What's a 401k?
Anders: I'm glad you asked. Basically, it's a retirement plan so you can--
Blake: Oh, no. Nevermind. I totally thought it was a laser.
2 tags
“Now we are so happy, we do the Dance of Joy!”
– Balki Bartokomous
1 tag
1 tag
“I’m sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized...”
– Krieger
November 2011
1 post
1 tag
“I hope she’s speeding on the way to the club, trying to hurry up to get to...”
August 2011
1 post
3 tags
July 2011
1 post
2 tags
“Speed has never killed anybody… suddenly becoming stationary, that’s...”
– Jeremy Clarkson
June 2011
3 posts
3 tags
2 tags
2 tags
May 2011
2 posts
3 tags
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“Where’s my money? Where’s my money? Yeah, you got money to pay for...”
– Stewie
April 2011
3 posts
1 tag
“On October 1st, at the house of Mayor Katsuda, I incurred a neck injury. I tried...”
– Kintaro Oe
1 tag
“At last, I shall demonstrate my computer skills. Since I didn’t have a...”
– Kintaro Oe
2 tags
March 2011
2 posts
“What do you say we go to a commercial break… brought to you by more...”
So, do you snort Charlie Sheen or smoke it?
January 2011
2 posts
At what point do you stop caring about other dudes at the urinals and just fart as if you were alone?
2 tags
Guess it took eight years for Mila Kunis to learn... →
December 2010
3 posts
1 tag
Wesley Snipes Reports To Jail, If You Can Call It...
So, I just read that Wesley Snipes reported to jail today. At first, I was psyched because I thought that the plot of Undisputed was one step closer to coming true.
Boy was I disappointed to find out that he’s going to a minimum security joint. It doesn’t even have a fence!
Have the authorities NOT seen U.S. Marshals!?!?!?!!?Don’t they know that he’s Unstoppable?!?!?
...
1 tag
“I don’t shine shoes; I don’t tape ankles; I don’t cut...”
– Randy Moss
November 2010
1 post
4 tags
The first rule of playing on a team with Michael... →
October 2010
2 posts
2 tags
Tom: Wait, what was your name again?
A Pimp Named Slickback: Well, thank you for asking, my name is A Pimp Named Slickback.
Tom: Wait… a pimp—
A Pimp Named Slickback: —Named Slickback. Yes. Please, say the whole thing, if you would. Yes, that includes the “A Pimp Named” part. Yes Tom, every time.
Tom: Look Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback—
A Pimp Named...
2 tags
Watch
September 2010
4 posts
2 tags
“Having a twin turbo, V12 diesel is like turning your central heating off at home...”
– Jeremy Clarkson
1 tag
Gotta admit, I'd think Fort Gay was made up. →
2 tags
Mr. T just tried to sell me a FlavorWave Turbo Oven.
August 2010
5 posts
2 tags
“Ideally, 70% lemonade, 20% punch, 10% Sprite. If they don’t have fruit...”
– Jeff Lewis on what he’d like to drink.
1 tag
2 tags
[A woman almost ran me and another man over in a WalMart parking lot...]
Man: I'll be damned if I get taken out by a car in a WalMart parking lot.
Me: Me too.
Man: I've been hit by a car before. It ain't fun. I was sitting by the side of the road eating a piece of cheese when it happened.
Me: What were you doing by the side of the road?
Man: [annoyed] EATIN' A PIECE OF CHEESE!
Me: ...
2 tags
“Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts? No. ISIS agents use Krav Maga.”
– Sterling Archer
July 2010
15 posts
2 tags
1 tag
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man driving a Saab...”
– Maroon Golf
1 tag
Watch
2 tags
“My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up....”
– George Costanza
3 tags
2 tags
WatchI’m know I’ve been posting a lot of ish about TV lately, but deal with it.
“Kitten Mittons”
1 tag
2 tags
2 tags
2 tags
3 tags
5 tags
1 tag
“Hello airplanes? Yeah, It’s blimps. You win. Bye!”
– Sterling Archer
1 tag
3 tags
June 2010
12 posts
“White girls with dreadlocks just look confused.”
– Subway Douchery